Retrospective
by halfbreedprincess
Summary: They say your life will flash before your eyes when you're about to die. Fragment of memories that hold significant meaning would be the last things that you saw before everything went black. A Bejo/Andi fanfiction. Theme song: Fall Out Boy feat. Foxes - Just One Yesterday


_I thought of angels choking on their halos_  
_Get them drunk on rose water_

There was a time when the two of them were the best of friends.

He was new to everything, back then. Just a runaway kid from home, trying to survive in the street without much luck. And Bejo, he wasn't who he is now. He was also just a young boy, trying to make a name for himself out of his loathing for his family's status.

"You're not supposed to be here."

He whips his head in alarm, but visibly relaxed when he realizes that he's facing someone his age. Although he must admit that there's something unnerving from his gaze, or the way he seems to see right through him.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asks in a nonchalant manner, hoping that it'll cover his apparent lack of confidence.

"Those shoes are too expensive for someone from this area. So does the rest of your apparels." The boy's lips twitch, curving it up into an almost invisible smirk as he adds, "And you don't even know who I am. So you must really be new."

He tenses, not knowing what to do, or what to say. The boy's right. He's new, and he certainly doesn't belong here. Nor does he know how to react to this supposedly known figure in front of him.

"Relax, I'm not someone that you're supposed to fear or please," the boy says, leaning back into the wall behind him. "Though I aim to be one."

He keeps his silent, not knowing how to react to that.

"So, what's your story? Running away from home? Kicked out? Or you're just out to prove your worth?" The boy chuckles because of certain inside joke, despite the silence that his interlocutor kept. "It doesn't matter once you're in the street anyway. Here, it's all about survival. So tell me, do you have what it takes, angel boy?"

Somehow, the stranger irks him to no end. Maybe it's his indifference way of talking. Maybe it's his steely gaze. Or maybe it's the way that his words hit a little too close to home.

"We'll just have to wait and see, wouldn't we?" he curtly replies, meeting the stranger's gaze with conviction he didn't know he had. "So tell me, do you?"

"I like your spunk," The boy grins, and somehow it sends shiver down his spine as he continues with, "Pretty sure we're going to get along well, angel boy."

"If we ever going to get along well, you have to stop calling me angel boy," he snaps, irritated by the nickname. He's not an angel, his brother is the angelic one. He's just someone that could never be good enough and lived up to his parent's expectations. "My name is Andi."

"Well Andi, I'm Bejo. Nice to meet you." Bejo's lips curls up into a smirk, "What do you say we celebrate this fated meeting with a nice dinner?"

Andi's face blanched. "I don't have money."

"Neither do I. But that could be rearranged, no?"

_See how dirty I can get them_  
_Pulling out their fragile teeth and clip their tiny wings_

Bejo was right. They did get along well. The fact that they practically have no else but each other to depend to did helped forming the bond, but still it was mostly attributed to their similarity.

Both of them started out as outcasts in this vile world. They didn't have the best build, and thus weren't physically intimidating. They both rely on their quick wits and ingenious brains to survive.

In between the two of them, Andi was the better fighter. Bejo might be equipped with the sharp instinct and knife wielding ability that comes from years of rough experiences in the street. But Andi was trained in silat ever since he was just a little boy, and he possessed the skills and strength. So when they had time to spare, Andi would teach Bejo martial arts, to ensure his safety.

In return, Bejo shared his knowledge. He taught Andi how to act and to keep up appearances, how to differentiate other's rank and importance in one glance, how other thinks and how he should think three steps ahead to beat them. He taught him how to not only survive, but to thrive.

They started out as insignificant teenagers, but they were quick to rise and soon became a known duo. So it was no surprise that they caught the attention of the right person (or the wrong one, depend on your perspective).

"You see, the two of you have been causing a lot of trouble. And my men are not happy. Neither did I," Tama says, drawling his words. He appears to be completely at ease, casually leaning on his desk as he talks to the two adolescents in front of him. His men were posted all over the room, silently observing the exchange. And yet, Andi and Bejo sit comfortably on their chairs, with no telltales of being in an unfavorable position.

"But I see potential on the two of you, you know. You could be... useful. You could be better than whatever you are right now. And me? I am more than happy to provide the opportunity for you." "If, of course, you agree to join me and my humble little group."

Rather than offering, it feels more like an ultimatum: Join me, or die in my hand. So they did what any rational person would do.

"We're in."

_If heaven's grief brings hell's rain _  
_Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday _

In retrospect, Andi would admit that the danger was always imminent, but he passed it off as a mere latent potential. Ambitions was what drive Bejo, and in turn Andi himself, to where they currently are. There were certain circumstances that fueled those thirst, though, making it nearly unquenchable.

Like their first encounter with Bangun.

"If these are your best men, I really am not looking forward to meet the lesser."

Andi grits his teeth, doing his best not to let Bangun's condescending tone get to him.

"They're just kids. What could they possibly do?"

Next to him, Bejo is doing the same thing, only with more success. If it's not for the sharp look in his doe eyes, Andi laments, Bejo's calm appearance would have been perfect.

"I won't deny that, I mean I was also unconvinced at first," Tama says. "But they proved their use time and time again," he barks out that signature chuckle of his, patting Bejo's head a few times and Andi could sense the cold rage underneath his friend's facade.

"Really?" Bangun asks, clearly not buying it. "If they mean that much to you, then, what would you do if I want them as payment? If I, for example, do this?"

Bangun's right hand cocks a gun against Bejo's temple, and Andi had to hold himself from interfering.

"Well," Tama sighs. "I can't really do much, can I?"

Andi's eyes widen in horror, but he knows that Tama's right. There really isn't much that he can do, except to pray that he will not lost his one and only friend in this forsaken world.

Bangun shakes his head. "If even you won't fight for them, how do you expect me to trust your judgment?"

For a split second, Andi thought that Bangun would order his man to pull the trigger. Instead, the old man waves his hand. "Alas, I'm in a favorable mood today, so I will give the two of you a chance to prove your worth." He gestures to one of his men, who throw a bag of weapons on their feet. "There's this guy that has been a nuisance for quite some time. I want him and his men gone. Can the two of you handle that?"

"Yes," Bejo answers without missing a beat.

Bangun arches his eyebrow, "You don't even know the number of his men."

"What difference would it make?" Bejo calmly asks, slinging the bag over his shoulder. "They'll all be dead before the night ends."

He turns on his heels, not bothering to even excuses himself, and Andi follow suit, sparing only a slight bow at Bangun to indicate his remain of respect.

_Letting people down is my thing, baby _  
_Find yourself a new gig, this town ain't big enough for two of us _

Andi would never say the cliché line of "It all changes one night," because it didn't.

After they returned from their first mission under Bangun's command, they were met with appraisal. Tama was more than happy because Bangun finally entrusted him with his own territory to run, and he said that it was all thanks to the two of them. But Bejo shrugged it all off, and he became even more politely distant to everyone. Even Andi could only get a glimpse of whatever it is that he was working on. He only knew that the obscure yearning inside Bejo grew more and more imminent with each passing days.

Finally, it all culminated into one particular event.

"I will burn this place down."

Andi whips his head around, nearly jumps at the sight of his friend, if he could still call him that. Bejo is sitting calmly at the edge of Andi's bed, in Andi's bedroom, and he really doesn't want to think about how the hell he got there. He was happy, yes, because it's been months since they last talk. And yet...

"Would you, really?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Where would you go then?"

"You're a smart man, Andi. And you know me better than anyone else here." The slightest ghost of a smile grazes his feature, "Is that really the question that you should be asking?"

_No,_ Andi inwardly thinks. _It isn't._ "Will you leave by yourself?"

"Not really, I plan on taking someone else. But there's always an open spot for another one."

The implicit invitation hung in the air, and Andi isn't entirely sure on how to respond. He owes Bejo a lot, because if it wasn't for him, he's not sure he would've survived on the street alone. But he also owes Tama, and he can't really find it in himself to risk everything that he had achieved here for an uncertain future that Bejo planned.

"I see," Bejo stands up, making the decision for him. "I will take my leave then."

"Jo," Andi manages to croaks, stopping the man right before he opens the door. "Why?"

Bejo had the audacity to chuckle, before turning around with a smile on his face. "Because we're too similar," he says. "And at first, I always thought that it was a good thing."

This is the moment when Andi realized that Bejo's smile doesn't quite reaches his eyes, and that those doe eyes are currently seizing him with a cool gaze that sends shivers down his spine.

"But now I see that double edged sword for what it is. Our similarities make us replaceable, for losing one of us would not do much harm to Tama or this setup of his. And after all this time, I think it's quite clear that he favors you over me."

Andi wants to refute his argument, wants to tell him to stop this nonsense, but somehow he can't. Because maybe he's right. Because maybe, he himself believe that Tama wouldn't have stand still if it was him that Bangun threatened to kill back then.

"Take care, Andi. I hope we'll meet again. And for the sake of old friendship, do go with Tama for his monthly patrol tomorrow."

_If I spilled my guts_  
_The world would never look at you the same way _

Despite the clear threat that Bejo's visit and advice indicated, Andi kept his mouth shut and told no one about it, only agreeing to go with Tama as Bejo recommended.

When they returned, Bejo has left with one of their prisoner, sparing no living soul to tell the tale of his deceit. Tama was outraged, but he didn't have the means to hunt Bejo down. That did not stop him from blindly killing a few people though, and Andi silently thanks the fact that he was rarely seen with Bejo for the past months, or he might be on the receiving end of Tama's rage.

Rather than demanding compensation, Tama for once decided with enough sense that he should just focus on putting everything back together. Ironically, his decision brought about Andi's realization that Bejo was indeed right. One of them was more than enough to run Tama's operation. So it did not take long before Andi settled into his new role as the one and only brain in this whole business.

Until Rama and his team raided the building, resulting in not only Tama, but also Mad Dog's death. Overnight, he was hoisted into the throne of that rotten building, and it was up to him on how to rule it.

Not six hours since he let Rama out with his cop friend and that corrupt lieutenant, he got an unexpected visit.

"Hello, Andi."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asks, shaking his head in disbelief at the sight of the man in the door. "If Tama knows..."

"Tama is dead, and you know it. You've seen it with your own eyes." After a pause, he adds, "And I was actually expecting a warmer welcome."

"Why the hell would I give you a warm welcome, Jo?" Andi balks. "You left this place years ago for god knows what, and you expected me to greet you with a hug?"

"If my memories serve me right, I wasn't the one who opted to stay," Bejo retorts while walking inside, and Andi can't help but to notice the way he limps and how he had to lean on a cane. To his surprise, though, he gestured to his men to close the door and give them some privacy."But I see that staying has done you good, so I must admit that you made the right decision back then."

Andi nods, silently pondering about how much Bejo actually knows. Not only about his current predicament, but about him, and more importantly, about Rama.

"What about you?" he asks. "Has leaving done you good?"

Bejo chuckles and eases himself into a nearby chair while taking his shades off, "It has, but I'm pretty sure you already know that. You did keep a tab on me, remember?"

In all honesty, he did utilize his privilege as Tama's right hand to secretly observed Bejo and his whereabouts from afar. And he knew about his little family, of the so called Assassin that he made out of the prisoner that he escaped this wretched building with, and of the siblings that he adopted and groomed into a pair of deadly killing machines. Andi knew all too well that leaving has primed Bejo into a king of his own turf.

"Why are you here then? Surely it's not for catching up with an old friend."

"That's not entirely true. This visit does have something to do with the past." Bejo folds his hands on top of his legs and addresses Andi, "I take it you lead this place now?"

"Who else?" Andi shrugs his shoulder. "And what does that have to do with you?"

"A lot, actually. I have reasons to believe that you already know where I'm currently standing, so I assume you can guess where I'm heading." He pauses for a while before leaning forward, "And I'd like for you to join me."

"You want me to take part on your impossible quest?"

"My quest maybe insane, but it's certainly not impossible. And with your help, it would be far easier to attain."

"I still think it's impossible," Andi stubbornly says, and Bejo chuckles.

"Well think again, and think it through. You know what I strive to achieve, and you know I have the means for it. Whether or not you want to take part is entirely up to you."

With that, Bejo put his shades back on and stands up, excusing himself. Before he open the door, though, Andi managed to stop him with one simple question, much like their last encounter.

"Why?" Bejo turns around, facing Andi one more time as the latter elaborates, "I know you don't believe in second chances, Jo. So why me?"

He weighs his answer for a while, before cracking up a smile. "Some things are worth making exception over. And you know there's always a spot for a partner in crime in my clan."

"Thus, I sincerely hope that you will make the right decision once again."

_Anything you say can and will be held against you _  
_So only say my name _

He did make the right decision, Andi would argue. Two days after their happenstance, Bangun made a social visit and offered to establish him as the imperator of that building. And he did not need much deliberating before giving his consent.

It was the right decision. Bangun clearly had the upper hand, and he believed that Bejo would fail, despite all his resources and schemes. So he side with Bangun, more so because it would make it easier for him to tab on Bangun's wide network to keep an eye on Rama.

And yet, here he is now. Bruised and battered, shoved on his knees in front of his former best friend.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be, Jo!" he reasons, and he knows that Bejo could understand the unsaid question under those words. _Would you really kill me?_

"This is not about ambition," Bejo says. "But it's about limitation. And you, you're not supposed to meet me here, now, in this kind of way." _You should've be a part of my movement, and not a glitch in the system._

"Bangun will..."

"Bangun is old!" Bejo barks with such fury that he ends up coughing afterwards. And it dawned on Andi that Bejo just lost his temper, something that he seems to be incapable of doing.

"I gave you a choice," Bejo continues after calming himself down. "And you choosed to side with Bangun." _You betrayed me,_ the message was clear. _You refused my offer. You gave me no choice but to act accordingly and retaliate. _

Andi can feel the shotgun against his temple, and he knows that this is it. This is the end of their years of friendship and camaraderie. A bloodied end, all for the sake of ambitions and voracious desires. Maybe he brought it upon himself, for being apathetic all this time, for not reaching out and pulled his friend farther from the pit of darkness that he jumped into.

Or maybe it's just a twisted reminder that fate was never favorable for him, and how he always ended up being a disappointment, both for his real family and for the man that was once his surrogate brother.

Nevertheless, he can't help but to appeal once more, even if he was met with nothing but a cold facade.

He can only hope that underneath that indifference, there's still a relics of compassion and Bejo would not let him vanish just like that. He wishes that, for old time sake, Bejo would still have the decency to somehow inform his family of his death.

And he did.

_I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way_  
_Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_


End file.
